Confidence isn’t just about feeling good – it’s a fundamental key to success. It shapes the way you show up in the world, chase your goals, and handle challenges. People who exude confidence are more likely to take risks, seize opportunities, and bounce back from failure. On the other hand, a lack of confidence can keep you stuck in hesitation, overthinking, and self-doubt – watching from the sidelines instead of stepping onto the field.
But let’s be clear: Confidence isn’t arrogance. True confidence is built on self-trust, while arrogance is a defense mechanism for insecurity. The difference? Confident people know their worth but don’t need to prove it at the expense of others. They balance boldness with humility, owning their strengths while staying open to learning and growth.
Many of us weren’t taught how to cultivate confidence. We were raised to play it safe, avoid standing out, or wait for external validation before taking action. But what if the only thing holding you back is the belief that you don’t deserve more?
If you’re tired of second-guessing yourself and watching opportunities pass by, it’s time to shift. Here’s how to break through self-doubt, step into your power, and own your future.
Recognize How You’ve Been Conditioned to Play Small
Think about it: When you were a kid, did adults tell you to be bold, take risks, and own your space? Or were you taught to be careful, stay humble, and not make mistakes?
Most of us learned confidence wasn’t for us—it was for people with money, connections, or natural charisma. But that’s a lie.
🔹 Put This Into Practice: Dig Deeper—Think back to a time when you first remember feeling like you had to play small. What happened? Who was involved? What message did you absorb?
Now, question it: Was that message based on fact, or was it someone else’s fear, bias, or limitation projected onto you? Write it down, then find one real-life example that contradicts it. (Example: If you believed “I’m not good at speaking up,” recall a time when your words made an impact—even in a small way.) Confidence grows when you rewrite your own story based on truth, not outdated conditioning.
Build Confidence Through Small Risks—or Big, Bold Moves
You don’t have to wake up tomorrow and quit your job or move across the country (although I have done both!). Confidence builds through micro-actions- – small risks that prove to your brain you can handle challenges. But for some, big, bold leaps are exactly what’s needed to break through self-imposed limits.
For years, I struggled with confidence. I used to avoid speaking up in meetings, second-guess my own ideas, and hesitate to take up space. But when I forced myself out of my comfort zone in dramatic fashion – quitting my job and moving across the country alone with two dogs – I realized I was capable of so much more. It was the catalyst I needed to level up my confidence.
🔹 Own Your Power: You can build confidence slowly or in one powerful leap—it’s up to you. Identify one situation today where you usually hold back—and push yourself 10% further. If you’re feeling bold, ask yourself: What’s one big, scary action I could take that would force me to grow? Whether small or big, start proving to yourself that you can handle bold moves.
Stop Seeking External Validation
One of the biggest confidence killers? Waiting for someone else to tell you you’re good enough.
We’ve been conditioned since childhood to look to parents, teachers, bosses, and society for approval before making decisions. Over time, this creates a habit of seeking external validation rather than trusting our own judgment. The problem? It puts control over your confidence in someone else’s hands.
🔹 Example: Have you ever held off on making a decision until you asked multiple people what they thought—only to feel more unsure afterward? That’s external validation working against you, reinforcing the belief that you can’t trust yourself.
Why This Happens:
- Fear of failure (“What if I make the wrong choice?”)
- Wanting acceptance (“If others approve, I’ll feel more secure.”)
- Past criticism (“Last time I made a bold move, someone doubted me.”)
The truth? Confidence isn’t something you get from others—it’s something you build by trusting yourself. The more you own your choices, the stronger that trust becomes.
🔹 Small Shift, Big Impact: Set a personal validation rule to start breaking this habit.
Examples:
- “I will not ask for reassurance before making a decision under $100.”
- “I will trust my gut and apply for the job without asking others if they think I’m ‘ready.’”
- “Before seeking advice, I’ll first make a decision on my own.”
By practicing small acts of self-trust, you train yourself to rely on your own judgment—not someone else’s approval.
It is impossible for anyone to make any decision on your behalf. They do not have your unique perspective, or all of the nuance that comes with our own personal motivation. You cannot achieve the life you dream to achieve if you are not the architect.
Surround Yourself with Bold People
Confidence is contagious. The people you spend time with influence your mindset, habits, and beliefs. If you’re constantly around doubtful, risk-averse people, their hesitation rubs off on you. But if you surround yourself with bold, action-driven individuals, their energy fuels your own growth.
🔹 Example: Have you ever had a friend who made you feel like anything was possible? Their confidence, ambition, and risk-taking mentality lifted you up. That’s the power of proximity to boldness.
Why This Matters:
- You adopt the mindset of the people you spend the most time with.
- Seeing others take risks makes it feel normal rather than scary.
- Bold people push you to level up, not stay stuck.
🔹 Apply This Now: Seek out people who inspire confidence. Join a mastermind, networking group, or follow mentors online who embody the boldness you want to cultivate. The more you engage with confident people, the faster you’ll grow.
Act Before You Feel Ready
One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves? “I’ll do it when I feel ready.” The truth? Confidence follows action, not the other way around.
🔹 Example: Think about a time you didn’t feel ready but took action anyway. Maybe you spoke up in a meeting, started a project, or said yes to an opportunity you weren’t 100% prepared for. How did you feel afterward? Most likely, you proved to yourself that you were more capable than you thought.
For me, that moment came when I posted my first video on Instagram for Suddenly Grown. I didn’t feel ready. I wasn’t comfortable on camera, and every excuse ran through my head—”I need better lighting,” “I should wait until I’m more polished,” “What if people judge me?” But I did it anyway. And guess what? Nothing bad happened. In fact, the more I put myself out there, the easier it gets. That first post wasn’t perfect, but it was a step forward.
Why This Works:
✔ Taking action reframes fear as growth.
✔ You develop confidence by doing, not by waiting.
✔ The longer you wait, the more fear grows.
🔹 Step Into Boldness: Identify one thing you’ve been waiting on—starting a project, applying for a job, asking for something you deserve. Set a 24-hour deadline to take one step forward before fear convinces you to delay again.
The Future You Want Requires Boldness Today
Breaking barriers starts with rejecting the belief that confidence is something you wait for. It’s something you build—one small, bold move at a time. 👑
Recommended Resources for Your Next Move
To take your confidence to the next level, here are expert-recommended books and tools to help you step into your power:
📖 The Confidence Code – A must-read book on mastering the psychology of confidence.
📓 The Self-Confidence Workbook: A Guide to Overcoming Self-Doubt and Improving Self-Esteem – A guide to understanding self-confidence by defining what it means to be confident and helping you determine your starting level of self-esteem.
🎤 Ted Talks: The Official TED Guide to Public Speaking – A must-read insider’s guide to creating unforgettable speeches and changing people’s minds.
💡 Cognitive Behavioural Coaching: A Guide to Problem Solving and Personal Development – tackle self- and goal-defeating thinking and replace it with an effective problem-solving outlook.
Which of these steps will you take today? Drop a comment below and let’s break through confidence barriers together!
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