We Were Never Given Permission to Fail
I don’t know about you, but I don’t remember a single moment in my childhood when someone looked me in the eye and said, “Hey, it’s okay to fail.”
I do, however, remember the sting of a red X on a school paper. I remember the pit in my stomach after a wrong answer in class. I remember feeling like success was a straight road, and failure was the thing that sent you skidding off into the ditch.
But that was a lie.
Failure was never the problem.
Fear of failure was.
And fear? Fear will keep you small.
It will have you sitting on million-dollar ideas but never sharing them.
It will convince you that you’re not ready yet – even as you watch people with half your talent take leaps you never dared to.
It will whisper that rejection is too painful, that mistakes will ruin you, that staying in the lines is safer than making your own.
And the worst part? You’ll believe it.
You’ll believe it until you decide – until you choose – to burn that belief to the ground.
The Unseen Cost of Playing It Safe
Most people never talk about what fear actually costs us. Not the surface stuff—the job you didn’t go for, the business you never started.
I’m talking about what happens underneath that.
The way you lose trust in yourself.
The way you start to shrink—not just in your choices, but in your identity.
Because when you let fear make your decisions, it doesn’t just keep you from big risks. It keeps you from becoming the person you were supposed to be.
Take Oprah Winfrey.
She was fired from her first television job because she was “too emotional” and “unfit for TV.” Imagine if she had let that define her. Imagine if she had decided, Well, I guess they’re right. Maybe I’m not cut out for this.
Instead, she built an empire.
Or Michael Jordan.
Cut from his high school basketball team. Went home, locked himself in his room, and cried. But instead of quitting, he turned failure into fuel—and became a legend.
Or J.K. Rowling.
Twelve publishers rejected Harry Potter. One even told her, “Children’s books don’t make money.”
They were wrong.
And so are the voices in your head telling you that failure means you’re not good enough.
What Happens When You Start Letting Yourself Fail?
Something funny happens when you stop fearing failure.
You start moving.
You start taking up space in your own damn life.
Instead of overanalyzing every decision, you just… go. You do things before you’re ready. You raise your hand before you have the perfect answer. You launch before the plan is airtight.
And yeah, sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes it sucks.
But something else happens, too:
You prove yourself wrong.
The fear that once had you frozen? It starts to lose its grip. The rejections that used to send you spiraling? They become data points. The mistakes that once made you cringe? They become part of the story—your story.
The one where you stopped waiting and started living.
The Real Reason We Fear Failure (and How to Break Free)
The truth? Most of us aren’t even afraid of failure itself.
We’re afraid of what it means.
We’re afraid that failing will confirm our worst fears—that we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not worthy enough. Or that others will see us fail and we will suffer the humiliation of standing out, with our vulnerabilities on full display.
And that’s why so many people stay stuck.
Not because they aren’t capable, but because they’re terrified of the moment when trying their hardest still isn’t enough.
But here’s what no one tells you:
That moment? That gut-wrenching, painful moment of falling short?
It’s the most liberating thing you’ll ever experience.
Because once you fail—once you really fail—you realize that nothing actually happens.
The world keeps spinning. You keep breathing. Others actually admire your bravery and are inspired to face their own fears. And you start to see that failure isn’t the monster you made it out to be.
It’s just another step towards growth, learning, and reaching your goals.
Letting Others Fail (Why We Need to Stop Protecting People from Growth)
Here’s something I’ve noticed:
Even people who say they embrace failure still don’t give others permission to fail.
Leaders, parents, teachers—so many of them preach resilience but then create environments where making mistakes is punished. Where “failure is a learning opportunity” sounds great in theory, but in practice, screwing up means losing trust, credibility, or opportunities.
How are we supposed to learn if we aren’t allowed to get things wrong?
How do we expect people to be innovative, to take risks, to be bold, if we still operate with a subconscious expectation of perfection?
Take Steve Jobs.
He was fired from his own company. His own company. Imagine how humiliating that must have been. But instead of staying bitter, he used that failure to rebuild himself, eventually creating some of the most groundbreaking technology in the world.
If he hadn’t been given room to fail, the iPhone might not even exist.
So if you’re in a position of influence—whether that’s as a boss, a parent, or even just a friend—ask yourself:
- Do I encourage people to take risks, or do I quietly favor those who always play it safe?
- Do I celebrate effort, or only results?
- Do I make it emotionally safe for people to mess up?
If not, then maybe—just maybe—you’re contributing to the same fear that’s kept you small.
And maybe it’s time to change that.
The Only Way Out is Through
There’s no trick to getting rid of fear.
You can’t think your way into confidence.
You can’t logic your way into bravery.
The only way out of fear is through it.
Through the awkward first steps.
Through the embarrassing failures.
Through the rejections, the mistakes, the lessons you wish you didn’t have to learn the hard way.
Because on the other side of fear?
That’s where you find freedom.
So stop waiting.
Stop overthinking.
Stop trying to predict the outcome before you even start.
Just go.
You’ll figure it out.
You’ll adjust as you move.
And yeah, you’ll fail.
But that’s exactly how you’ll win. 👑
Want to Rewire Your Brain for Action?
📖 The 5 Second Rule – Mel Robbins – Learn how to stop overthinking and take action instantly.
📓 Mindset Reset Journal – A guided journal to turn self-doubt into confidence.
🚀 The War of Art – Overcome resistance and start making moves toward your goals.
Stop waiting. Start moving.